Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Disfiguring The Goddess - Sleeper

Why am I reviewing Disfiguring The Goddess? I feel like I should at least look into one of the posterchilds of wigger pseudo-slam. I mean slams are fun, so maybe Big Chocolate can bring them to the masses with catchy hooks and hi-fi production.

It was an obvious mistake to bother with Sleeper. There's not much in the way of slams here. Hell there's not much in the way of music here. It's just the same shitty "djent" monotones played over one of the worst sounding drum machines ever with a no-balls, no-bass production. That's not to mention the most humorous aspect of the album: the synthesizer.

So how can I make this more fun? Let's do a track by track breakdown (pun intended) of Big Chocolate's latest fecal disgorgement.

Opener "Sleeper" begins with some absolutely forgettable riffage and cupped-microphone vocals done by none other than everyone's favorite dubstep-producing asshole. On a sidenote I'm sure he's a nice guy. I mean he did work on Burning The Masses, but honestly I have to say I prefer their debut that I was gifted over their material with him. Anyway as "Sleeper" drags it's self-deprecating carcass along, Chocolate breaks out the synthesizer to remind us that his music can get worse, and it's literally one of the most fruity and cheesy sounding things ever. I literally couldn't stop laughing at the synth melody that becomes the focal point of the track.

"Queen Kingdom," the unfortunate sequel to "Sleeper" is a disappointment. Too many djent tones, too little synthesizer. Zero laughs out of ten. Perhaps one of the few listenable tracks on the album if you can muster the strength to handle the monotone guitarwork. I think you'd have to be deaf though.

"Daughter of Depths" is a much more engrossing track. The synth line that develops out of the breakdown at 1:44 sounds like a Syfy channel original horror movie track. Eventually the track goes to revisit this very developed and very nuanced melody, but only after a bunch of palm-muting bass drops and an odd turntable-esque sound.

"Lady Epicenter" is a completely unmemorable track save for the last forty-five seconds where ridiculous noodling on the synthesizer takes over from the breakdown. It sounds like Chocolate's playing minor arpeggios on a Casio keyboard. I wouldn't be surprised if that's actually what he's doing. Keep it up guy, it's making me laugh.

Now "Vines Of Aftermath" isn't entirely bad. You get some harmonics and an actual melody! It might be fleeting, but it is there right before another breakdown that eventually segways into a synthesizer segment. It crops up near the end of the track too. Definitely the highlight of the album from a musical perspective, and one that I'm sure many fans will be listening to for years to come.

"Mountain" is dumb but at some points it reminds me of other genre greats like Dimmu Borgir. Yeah, silly "evil" symphonic metal is exactly what slam should sound like. "Ocean Tomb" is just a djent-static-djent-borefest. Nothing to hear there.

I feel like my scale can't do this comedy masterpiece justice. Normally I would say that an album of this caliber is a ten out of ten, but this album transcends the scale entirely, hitting an eleven out of ten.

1.0 out of 10

Oops I think I missed a 1 there. Oh well.


1. Sleeper
2. Queen Kingdom
3. Daughter of Depths
4. Lady Epicenter
5. Vines of Aftermath
6. Mountain
7. Ocean Tomb

Laugh on.

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